Mother's Day 2015

Today is Mother’s Day.  A day that I use to wish never existed as I was waiting to become a mother for so long. I was never sure what my title was or if I could accept a flower at the end of Sacrament. I didn’t have a child. I wasn’t a mother yet, even though my heart wanted to be.  And now this year a day that I have not been looking forward to again knowing that my own mother is gone and that I can’t go see her or phone her and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day.

Some say celebrate the life of your mother and remember her.  Don’t get down on Mother’s Day.  I’m trying. I’m trying to stay positive and embrace the idea and joys of Motherhood. I’m trying to remember all the joyous memories that we’ve had together before you left this mortality and returned to be with our Heavenly Father and Mother.

I know you are here with me. Even as I am writing this on this cold and rainy morning I feel you present with me. I know you are my angel watching over me and my family and that because of you miracles are going to happen. I know there is a reason for the things that happen in our lives. I am trying to stay strong. You taught me that. You taught me to walk with a smile on my face and stand up tall and be proud of all that life has to offer. You have given me strength and continue to do so as I get down on my knees and pray for you to be here with me and help me through my trying times. I feel peace knowing that you are watching over me. I feel comfort in knowing that you have been called home for a reason. I want to believe that maybe you are taking care of your future grandbabies that are still waiting their turn to come and be a part of our family. I know you are already watching over the ones that are here. I can also picture you taking care of beautiful gardens. You always loved the garden and flowers were your calling in life. You could always make a bouquet that looked so beautiful.

Today is going to be hard, but I will be strong, just like I have tried every other day since you have been gone. I have a void that can be filled by no other, but by you my mother. And that’s ok. I will learn to live with it. I will celebrate in a different way. I will listen with my heart instead of my ears. I will embrace the breezes of the wind and the gentle rain and know that is a hug from you. I will cherish the time I had with you. I will remember the things you have taught me. And most of all I will live. I will continue to move forward each day and live in a way to make you proud. I will love others with unconditional love just as you did. I will embrace life just as you did. I will be happy and put a smile on my face just like you did. I will be a good mother just as you did. I will live because you are my mom! I love you mom and Happy Mother’s Day!